War

  
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6:12‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

http://bible.com/114/eph.6.12.nkjv

When you are trying to walk in light and speak life into situations a few things happen. You are tested on what you believe, what you see, what you think. I am humbled by my recent life experiences. I have been in spiritual warfare so heavy and I found myself unprepared and unsuspecting. Perhaps I had become so complacent in my walk, slightly arrogant in my faith and closeness with the Lord. I went from I need you for everything to well no God only theses things and areas. Funny how my ability to give an encouraging word to others did not manifest daily as went through my most recent battle. Everything I knew and know to be true about God was questioned, twisted so to speak. I begin to see myself as one of little faith as my tribulations and trials became bigger. Fighting spiritual battles in the flesh is impossible. I repeat impossible. I knew this but day after day I wrestled with the enemy, I showed up for every fight. I stood on the frontline without my breastplate of righteousness, my belt of truth, my shield of faith, and my sword. I suddenly found myself back peddled into a space of repetition. Like a hamster on a wheel trying to save a loved one that really wasn’t for me to save.  The doubt created in the circumstance was only one that the enemy could devise. Even though I knew it I saw this movie before so to speak and I knew how it would end I found myself believing I could alter the ending. This time would be different. He didn’t mean to throw that pot, he accidentally pushed me, his anger is just a struggle…it will get better. If he didn’t love me he wouldn’t buy me nice expensive things. A purse is not worth enduring a flying pot. 3 diamond rings is not worth devastation and lack of peace. It will get better I said, but It didn’t. Now here I lay wounded, heartbroken, a bit fragile, and wondering how had I gotten myself so caught up.  We have all been there all done that… Or have we? Some run at the flags, some see them and take it as a personal mission to fix a person, and sadly many stay and many die. Domestic violence is real. It happens daily and many live in secret and shame because of fear of the abuser and embarrassment among loved ones. It doesn’t have to be this way though. Im free. I’m safe. I’m healing and my trust and faith in God along with loving friends and family helped me through. The war though still continues. This is the last time I will be in an abusive relationship. I will still stand on the frontline. This time I will be clothed in the armor.  The weak areas that I desperately tried to hide from God have been uncovered and I am positive that He will restore. I’m writing to get this out, but I’m also rejoicing because I have a praise on my lips and joy in my heart. I’m thankful for the life I have been given and eternally grateful that what was meant for evil and designed to destroy drew me closer to the lover of my soul and captain of my sea: Jesus Christ. Your story may not be my story, but the instruction manual is still the same yesterday, today , and forever. So I pray my loins stay girded and you all are girded as well. Peace and Blessings.
Written in love

Be Blessed

Truth

5 Blessing 5 months

It’s been months since I wrote, 5 to be exact. Funny how 5 symbolizes God’s grace, goodness, and favor. Ironically what kept me from writing was choosing Love. I know I always seem to be on this chase and pursuit of Love. Love comes from God and I have plenty of that all around and so again I find myself loving someone who could not and did not stay. I’m trying to spread that love and it’s a challenge. So was it really love anyway. Yes, it was and is. But sometimes things just can’t work, especially if working with a different definition and a different source.  A topic for another day. While I would love to rehash the account. I won’t. It’s something I released  to the Lord. In the midst of my heart condition around dating issues God showed up! 1) God led me to a new church home for enhanced spiritual nurturing and teaching I had become weak. 2) I received a job another blessing! After months of searching I had stopped. Then someone sought me out for a job. Praise God. 3) My case closed for my volunteer work and the child I work with will be adopted! 4) I was blessed with a new place to live 5) I celebrated 35 years in September. So yup that’s 5 things that happened in 5 months while the obstacles were humongous my God is bigger. He gave me so many “hugs” along the way. So much encouragement even through my tears! So as I approach Thanksgiving and I reflect on these past few months. I am reminded about alignment and the plans I have for myself. I planned to fall in love and be married because 35 was approaching. I planned to stay at my former job for more than 4 years. I planned to have children. BUT, Jeremiah 29:11 NLT reminded me : For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. This scripture always gives me comfort because it means that God always has my best interest in mind. It  helps me sleep at night for sure! It reminds me that in Him I live, and I’m nothing without him.