It’s trending y’all. This is my rib! This is her, this is him #rib blah blah blah. Can we talk about how this rib has been placed in some really unfitting rib-cages. Peep the track record: I was once engaged (I called it off! praise God for common sense and dreams bigger than a one bed room apartment on Commonwealth Avenue and an obsessive older man 10 years my senior ouch!). Then my 2.5 year relationship with someone who I considered to be the love of my young college life. Our break-up was so devastating that it changed my whole life, my first real heartbreak. You know the one: not eating, not sleeping, going through boxes of tissue, and walking around looking like a walking dead extra? Yeah that one. I got over him slowly though by entertaining an on again and off again relationship for 6 years with a commitment phobe, ladies man (community penis provider), aspiring actor, and just a confused handsome man with so much potential but not enough ambition to drive it. The drama of this one relationship includes tales of slashed tires, cat-fights, jealous women and men, and a lifetime of empty broken promises that I so desperately wanted to be real. They weren’t though. Christ saved me from this madness. During this relationship I was desperately seeking love in all the wrong places. I gave my life to Christ at 26…how fitting 2+6= 8. Eight is the number for new beginnings, and everything about my life changed in the best way possible. (Remind me to share how the Lord spoke to me, it’s a great testimony for another day and the inspiration for “My Perfect Love”.) I finally broke free from the foolishness, met some wonderful friends with code names, my sweet Vixens: Undercover, Cheah, Fashionista, Caliente, Mama, and now most recently Melody! (2008 was the start of the best bond I have had with female friends in a LONG time). They nicknamed me “Truth”. Anyway Christ cleaned me up real nice, changed my walk, talk and swag so to speak and I was on my way! I had my first A.D. healthy relationship with a wonderful man. I thought he was everything I wanted and more. He was good to me! Shoot he even made the Facebook page, and y’all know that makes stuff legit :-). But seriously, it was the first healthy dating relationship in my new life and my new walk that was a reflection of God moving in my life so I thought. It was long distance though, and it was “killing us “to be so far away. Eventually someone was going to have to move, and he assured me if I picked the place he would follow…I picked and he didn’t follow. I also had the chance to see him more often in his own space (due to an employment transition) and realized he had some major flaws that I didn’t see and they were ones I couldn’t deal with. 1) Liar/potential cheater…so I found love letter(s) somewhat in the open while cleaning the condo from an ex who had been visiting in between my bi-monthly visits *side-eye* 2) Indecisive over simple things. 3) Only attended church when I was with him. 3) Selfish (there are too many layers of this last one). In a nutshell, the time we spent together was to put on his “best” self…but he was different when we had longer doses of each other. 4) Chronic long-term relationship dweller, but no real desire to be married (I found this out during a heated argument even though he kept asking me what kind of wedding I wanted WTH?) He wanted to travel the world (he did this frequently while we dated). Him not coming to my current location was the end.
Like Mary, I sat at Jesus feet literally for 3 years, joined every ministry my heart had the courage and faith to endure, and I ignored and avoided men like the plague. The thought of dating brought nausea, anxiety, and pain…like alot of it. So I decided to wrap myself in whom loves me most the Lord. Having gone through another heartbreak recently with a man whom I thought to be the “one”…I don’t use this term lightly I am sadly disappointed by the outcome. This time though I am partially to blame…So all those years sitting at the Lord’s feet, the wounds that were healed “that baggage”…well this man got all of the unpacked baggage all at once AND then some. I forgot the scripture by His stripes I am healed apparently, because I was just an emotional mess with him, waiting for him to mess up, looking for anything and everything to disprove the legitimacy of our relationship. When you look for stuff you find it. He had his flaws, but it was stuff I could deal with. Anyway when I am emotional I write poetry. I wrote A Prose for “The One” with him as inspiration, but I changed the title to protect the innocent or guilty lol depending on how you look at it. This is really a poem for my Rib Cage whomever that is, is beyond me:
21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
But even in my waiting, I am becoming who I was created to be…so what was fear and anxiety is now faith and anticipation for the blessings God has crafted just for me. Even if he doesn’t bless me with that rib-cage, He has already done more than enough and I have more than enough with Him. My heart beat says purpose, so when I wake up and I can still feel it beating and the warmth of my blood in my veins then I already know He is not done with me yet.
Have a great day y’all!
Written with Love