Being afraid of the unknown is a natural feeling that I often experience if I can’t see or hear from the Lord. Most times when I feel like this is really because I wasn’t listening or didn’t like the answer. So lately I have been very still asking for my steps to be ordered. My phone is often off for no distractions, its becoming more comforting to be in the presence of the Lord than with people lol. Eventually I re-engage with other people, but my quiet time is most appreciated. It’s during this time that I am most focused. No phone, no TV, no radio, no social media just me in conversation with God. It starts with thanksgiving and reverence for who He is. It continues with asking for wisdom in my current circumstances, asking what He would have me to for Him today…not me. If I did for me it would consist of doing some pretty selfish stuff. I decided to visit my child that I am Guardian Ad Litem to. He is about 5 months old and is a happy baby. Always smiling and cooing. As I fed him and looked into his deep blue eyes I wondered what he was thinking. I wondered if he knows I am here to protect him. I wondered if he knew that he had been born into some not so great circumstances but yet he smiled with not a care in the world. As he fell asleep in my arms fighting to stay awake I felt this surge of love for him. He was still smiling in his sleep. His caretaker commented “he must know he is in good hands.” My responsibility became so much more clear for the major role I play in this baby’s life. I also was a bit angry too because this child did not ask to be here a choice was made. God doesn’t make any mistakes, people do. But this child is not a mistake I prayed over him like he was my own. Wishing and hoping that when he hears the Lord call on him that he will heed to that call. I thought about Moses born as a slave but picked up and taken in by royalty. In some ways I feel like the daughter of Pharoah rescuing Moses from the Nile. Anyway I digress. I want my days to be full of purpose. I realize though I must be actively seeking that purpose though, constantly asking God to use me, to use my gifts. I am a mere vessel looking to be filled daily. My love for children is overwhelming to me. Perhaps its because I recognize them as true blessings and miracles from God. They come into the world with bigger faith than any adult. Relying on others to tend to their needs. They reciprocate love that can’t be found even in a spouse. Their sense of self is malleable. In many ways I long for that type of approach with Jesus and God himself. As adults we experience so much we can feel like we are in control, but being able to approach the Lord in a child like manner and a certain level of naivety is a blessing, it makes us more malleable and usable. The amount of Trust is bigger and stronger. So today I meditate on
Psalms 131:1-3 NKJV
Lord , my heart is not haughty, Nor my eyes lofty. Neither do I concern myself with great matters, Nor with things too profound for me. Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, Like a weaned child with his mother; Like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the Lord From this time forth and forever.
Walk with Child-like faith in Love