It’s been months since I wrote, 5 to be exact. Funny how 5 symbolizes God’s grace, goodness, and favor. Ironically what kept me from writing was choosing Love. I know I always seem to be on this chase and pursuit of Love. Love comes from God and I have plenty of that all around and so again I find myself loving someone who could not and did not stay. I’m trying to spread that love and it’s a challenge. So was it really love anyway. Yes, it was and is. But sometimes things just can’t work, especially if working with a different definition and a different source. A topic for another day. While I would love to rehash the account. I won’t. It’s something I released to the Lord. In the midst of my heart condition around dating issues God showed up! 1) God led me to a new church home for enhanced spiritual nurturing and teaching I had become weak. 2) I received a job another blessing! After months of searching I had stopped. Then someone sought me out for a job. Praise God. 3) My case closed for my volunteer work and the child I work with will be adopted! 4) I was blessed with a new place to live 5) I celebrated 35 years in September. So yup that’s 5 things that happened in 5 months while the obstacles were humongous my God is bigger. He gave me so many “hugs” along the way. So much encouragement even through my tears! So as I approach Thanksgiving and I reflect on these past few months. I am reminded about alignment and the plans I have for myself. I planned to fall in love and be married because 35 was approaching. I planned to stay at my former job for more than 4 years. I planned to have children. BUT, Jeremiah 29:11 NLT reminded me : For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. This scripture always gives me comfort because it means that God always has my best interest in mind. It helps me sleep at night for sure! It reminds me that in Him I live, and I’m nothing without him.
4 Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Last night, I had a long conversation with God. There are many nights when I just go to bed thankful. Thankful for the days and years I have experienced. I always become so overwhelmed with God’s goodness, and His grace extended to me. Some days when I am just still, not running errand after errand, and checking off my to do list, I have time to meditate on purpose and plan. It’s been officially 4 months since job separation. I have enjoyed not going to a 9 to 5. I enjoy planning my days, I enjoy giving my time and attention to the things I neglected so much when I was working. I love the way my spirit feels in the morning. I can say God what would you like me to do today, and it does not involve an outlook calendar or a 2 hour meeting about a meeting to have a meeting about the 2 hour meeting. I enjoy talking to strangers, and catering to those who have less than I do. It’s almost as if my level of sensitivity to others needs has increased. I find myself wondering how this came to be. Then just as I am basking in God’s goodness and grace toward me, I am reminded how much, the Lord has granted me when I delight myself in Him. I am shown how much of my worry and anxiousness is removed when I take complete joy in being in his presence. I lose myself in His word, I stand confidently in His promises, and when I speak life, it gives me life. I sing his word and it puts me at ease. I dance to glorify him. When I speak His truth into myself and others it makes my heart so happy. There is something about God’s will that is perfect and on time in every way. The prayers of yesterday that I prayed so long ago, seem to be manifesting right now. The prayers that brought me prostrate on the altar are being answered. What I asked for in His name is coming to past. It’s exciting and scary though for me. I say to myself, God is watching little bitty old me, little bitty Deniece. He is ordering my little feet with his humongous footprints.
I am reminded
23 “And in that day you will ask Me nothing. Most assuredly, I say to you, whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. 24 Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.
So I made up my mind to take it all to Him in Prayer, to ask for everything in His name. I will always get an answer, and the more answers I receive the more I will realize just how aligned to His will I truly am. Whether his answer be Yes or No, both answers contribute to a larger outcome of our purpose and plans.
I guess what I am saying this morning is just ask in His name and then sit back and see what He does. Don’t second guess what He tells you because no one knows better or more than God the plans He has for your life. Short entry today.
Be Blessed and Loved Beyond Measure
written with Love,
When I think about the goodness of God and all He has done for me, my soul cries hallelujah. I look back over my life and I have endured more pain then I care to think about, but I have also experienced an even larger amount of joy. Some of my most painful moments shared several commonalities. In other words I often experienced this pain because of
1) a poor choice/decision I made
2) a refusal to align with God’s will
3) a false understanding and misrepresentation of love and happiness: what it feels like, what it looks like, what it does for you and what it makes you do for others and most important where it comes from!
4) lack of communication
(To God in prayer and to the perpetrators involved)
I recall a time when I met someone who looked good on paper, but was lacking every great quality that I desired in a companion. I often wondered why is it so hard to find a loving companion. Why is everything taking so long, why hasn’t he crawled through my window (because clearly he doesn’t frequent my local grocery store, Starbucks and any other place I have graced my presence with.) Sometimes Love is right in your face though. It comes from the least expected places and from people you least expect. Here is the reality, I want to be spoiled, I want to be courted, but above all else I want to be appreciated, not just for what I look like, but for who I am, what I am about. I want acceptance for being just me. I want my husband to know that I am a gift from heaven and that he is also my gift. I want to be protected and cared for so I can nurture and support my husband and children. I want children. I want my life and that of my family to glorify God in a mighty way. I admire married couples who have been married for years, they make an effort daily to love their partner for who they are, they run the race of life together. For affairs of love and relationships, I speak love and give life to all current circumstances. I leave you all with these scriptures. So the next time you find yourself in a conflict of relationship or circumstance ask yourself if any of the four commonalities I mentioned above occurred ( be honest too, I trust you) . Then meditate on these below.
It’s so easy out of confusion, frustration and fear to run and talk to everyone else when we are going through trials and tribulations. Sometimes speaking to people makes the situation worse especially when you have not prayed about it. The opinions of others will convolute your mind. OTHER Personal experiences come into play and then you are even more confused then you were before you spoke. I’ve done this many times over the years, not always realizing that God didn’t allow me that trial to ask someone else about it, He tossed me that trial because He knew I could handle it. He wanted my attention to converse with him on the altar. Now I converse with God all day long over things that often don’t matter much. Little things, but God can handle all things. He can handle broken friendships and relationships,.He can handle crazy bosses, He can handle 10 year old pains, He can conquer addictions, He can Heal the sick. Sometimes we get so caught up in the anointing and blessings He gives us that we forget, we didn’t get there on our own. I had a crazy week of spiritual warfare and I approached it in my flesh at first . Then I remember that Prayer is the ultimate powerful weapon that I possess. I remembered that when I pray things really do happen! I remembered that prayer will ease and calm my fears, quiet storms, and manifest miracles. I remembered that God placed wise Godly people in my path to speak life into me, to guide me and to love on me in my weaknesses. I rejoiced in having that type of support.
So I meditate on this:
Job 5:8 NKJV
“But as for me, I would seek God, And to God I would commit my cause—
Job 15:8 NKJV
Have you heard the counsel of God? Do you limit wisdom to yourself?
As wise as I think I am, I can sometimes limit wisdom to myself , not recognizing that Wisdom comes from God and our life experiences. Trying to walk in our own wisdom is like turning on a garbage disposal sticking our hands inside and expecting our hands not to be marred and scarred. The great thing about this week, is that everyone I encountered prayed with and for me to shift the atmosphere. Stepping outside of myself and circumstances made me realize that I have an assignment. The spiritual warfare that I’m experiencing is because I’m on assignment to sharpen iron in my circle of influence and beyond but for starters it’s my circle of influence and myself . So so how wonderful it was that when I called my sisters in Christ to speak they already knew they needed to pray with me. AFTER ALL the Devil is in the details. I never really thought about what that meant. But I do know that the more one rehashes or retells a scenario the larger and more painful it becomes, it’s like giving power and strength to the problem instead giving it to God. I’ve done this plenty of times. So the next time a conflict arises and issues come upon you, Talk to God first and don’t seek counsel from the wicked, seek it from the Saints that know, love, and serve the God you have come to love. Then watch Him move with infinite power and wisdom.
Written with Love,
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Romans 12:12 KJV
Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;
Colossians 4:2 NKJV
Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving;
Ugh. Spiritual Frustration. So I consider myself to be prayer warrior. Lord knows I can get a prayer through, move a mountain, toss a trial, and breakdown strongholds. I’ve done it with the best weapon I have :my bible scriptures and the muscle located between my lips. I even finished a book given to me “A Better Way to Pray” (thank you T!) Daily I’m raising up petitions unto the Lord on behalf of others and then I will slide in a prayer or two for me. Sometime later ( but kinda quickly) I’m hearing that those prayers for others have been answered, that problem went away, that breakthrough came, or that blessing poured out! I rejoice too as if it were my own prayers and desires for my life answered. But then I get in my feelings with God about it. I am being so honest right now…. Sometimes I’m seriously like “Jesus, I prayed in your name, I spoke the word which brings life and manifestation, I know you can and you will and have interceded on my behalf to God….so ummmm what gives? There is a song that says “I don’t mind waiting on the Lord”….I can sing it from the depth of my soul…but the truth is waiting is really hard for me to do! Being still is hard for me to do. Here I am asking the Lord to order my steps and guide me, but the period of waiting is the part that’s causes excitement and anxiety. Have you ever felt this way? In some ways the feeling between the two are polar opposite. One day I’m excited and another day I may be anxious. Well I have figured out that my anxiousness pretty much cancels my prayer. Meaning I pick it back up when I’m anxious even though I laid it at his feet. My anxiousness falters my faith :|. Guilty on all charges! So as I struggle(d) with what I call spiritual frustration, I decided to look at scripture regarding prayer. Now prayer appears in the bible 113 times…the action to pray or some variation of it appears over 300 times and there are about 650 prayers in the bible. This clearly depends on your version. Either way the two scriptures above are what spoke to me. I read the NKJV when studying. So reading one line of scripture doesn’t really cut it so I read the whole chapters and ooh did I get both a spanking and a hug from God!
Romans 12:12 is an excerpt from chapter 12 that deals with Behaving like a Christian. This was my hug from God because I do believe that despite my many flaws my life reflects my faith walk with God and my discipleship. BUT! Yes remember early I just said I don’t like waiting! Well clearly the patient in tribulation has not been priority on my list of to dos. Patiently waiting should not be confused with being busy bound! I am the queen of being busy bound. What does that mean? It means I will pick up any and every activity to keep me busy in an effort to mask my “patiently waiting” and mess around and be so bound that what I originally asked and prayed for is….DELAYED! Ouch and Amen. This came to me at 3:30 am this morning.
Now Collosians was my big spanking. I thank God daily for my blessings. The Grace that is afforded to me is often very overwhelming… So my spanking came with being vigilant in thanksgiving as I continue in prayer. In other words, sometimes I pray like God has forgotten me, like He has never done anything for me, or like He won’t answer. Not on purpose, but when I’m so bound by the busyness, I approach the throne defeated unable to bask in thanksgiving and His Grace. Shame on me for that. Yay God! As I have meditated on these scriptures, I’m realizing that the prayers of others that I intercede for are answered because I approach them with my faith ferociously. I feel like a Lioness going into prayer on behalf of a brother or sister. But then when its time for me, I act like a wimpy cat! Now you may not agree but if this is you too, drop me a line or two:). As believers we must approach God with a humble heart but because He knows our heart, he knows if we really believe the prayer we are asking for. Our faith in the prayer is a factor. Truth be told often times its not answered because its not His will for your life. One of the easiest things to say is Not my Will but Thy Will be Done. But sometimes its the Hardest to adhere to. Pray for me, the struggle is soooo real!
Written in Love