Tag Archive | journey

Choosing Love

When I think about the goodness of God and all He has done for me, my soul cries hallelujah. I look back over my life and I have endured more pain then I care to think about, but I have also experienced an even larger amount of joy. Some of my most painful moments shared  several commonalities. In other words I often  experienced this pain because of

1) a poor choice/decision I made
2) a refusal to align with God’s will
3) a false understanding and misrepresentation of love and happiness: what it feels like, what it looks like, what it does for you and what it makes you do for others and most important where it comes from!
4) lack of communication
(To God in prayer and to the perpetrators involved)

I recall a time when I met someone who looked good on paper, but was lacking every great quality that I desired in a companion. I often wondered why is it so hard to find a loving companion. Why is everything taking so long, why hasn’t he crawled through my window (because clearly he doesn’t frequent my local grocery store, Starbucks and any other place I have graced my presence with.) Sometimes Love is right in your face though. It comes from the least expected places and from people you least expect. Here is the reality, I want to be spoiled, I want to be courted, but above all else I want to be appreciated, not just for what I look like, but for who I am, what I am about. I want acceptance for being just me. I want my husband to know that I am a gift from heaven and that he is also my gift. I want to be protected and cared for so I can nurture and support my husband and children. I want children. I want my life and that of my family to glorify God in a mighty way.  I admire married couples who have been married for years, they make an effort daily to love their partner for who they are, they run the race of life together. For affairs of love and relationships, I speak love and give life to all current circumstances. I leave you all with these scriptures. So the next time you find yourself in a conflict of relationship or circumstance  ask  yourself if  any of the four commonalities I mentioned above occurred  ( be honest too, I trust you) . Then meditate on these below.

1. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”- 1 Peter 4:8
2. “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12
3. “Be completely humble and gentle; Be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.”- Ephesians 4:2-3
4. “For I know the plans I have for you, ‘Declare The Lord,’ plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”- Jeremiah 29:11

5. “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”- Mark 10:9

It’s hard enough running alone, so running together is a blessing.  I choose love this day and everyday for my family, friends, and loved ones.
Written with Love,

Check Your Company

I Corinthians 15:33-34

Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.” Awake to righteousness, and do not sin; for some do not have the knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame.

All week long the Lord has been dealing with me about habits and the company I keep. Naturally, I decided to meditate on this and see what my manna from Heaven says. So in my humble opinion, I have the greatest friends and support group around me. I live thousands of miles away from my hometown in Boston, but I have managed to find me a great church family, some lifelong friends whom I now consider family : shoutouts to Young Palmer, Killah K, Brownie and Waffle. P.s I’m big on nicknames so these have been used to protect the innocent. I spend so much time with
these 4 people and we just click. If you have ever had some really great framily (friends+family) then you know what I’m talking about. These people keep me on my toes and sharpen me spiritually. Then there are my friends and family back home WAY too many to name. I think about the good habits I’ve developed. Those are easy. Before Christ though I had some pretty bad habits…I was bitter, angry, drank too  much, cussed too much, fought too much, I smoked nasty cigarettes, yes (I know gross). I got in my own way all the time, because I believed I was in complete control of anything and everything around me. I was stressed sometimes even depressed. The best thing I ever did was exchange my company I kept. For starters I had to recognize God and recognize that He gave His only son for me. Do you know how much pressure and burdens were lifted from me, just in acknowledging Christ as my Savior. Receiving God’s love and developing a relationship with Him literally forced me to check my company and exchange it for ultimate comforting company: Jesus and his Holy Spirit. The Bible says Be Not Deceived Evil Company corrupts Good Habits. Have you ever backslid into a poor habit, or found your oh so saved self doing things you used to do and then wondering what happened? Well, I have and I had to self evaluate and check my company. Checking your company is not always checking your immediate circle of friends or family either, sometimes checking your company is doing a spiritual read of the holy spirit that dwells in you . IS IT PRESENT AND BEING FED? In other words…what have you been pouring into yourself spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Are you spending enough time with God and asking Him to keep you. There is a song that says “oh to be kept by Jesus
It sings about being in the company of the Lord. We must do this daily. It’s easy to blame our shortcomings, backsliding, and iniquities on others and circumstances, but let us not be deceived that all influences are always other men. YOU (myself included can be your own worse enemy). Nurture yourself regularly and know what God has in store for you. It’s okay to ask others for advice but God has the final say and knows the plans He has for you!

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord , thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Check your company, your first line of defense and first “person” in your presence should be the Holy Spirit. Its here to guide you. So try to steer away from evil company that corrupts good habits. The best way to do this is to be spiritually strong. Evil spirits can’t be around Good spirits very long.  Scripture tells us  at the name of Jesus, every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, but it will help if people actually see Jesus in you and that they recognize you dwell in the company of the most high. Just a bit of food for thought!
Be Blessed,
Written with Love

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Love Letters from Heaven

Luke 17:1-4 NKJV

Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come!  It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.  Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you,  rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.  And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”

I am on the struggle bus with forgiving people who have done wrong to me or offended me in some way. Part of it is because I spend so much time trying not to offend others, that when it happens to me I go straight to the why did this person do this to me? Why was I the recipient of x,y,z. It’s a sort of woe is me pity party. My Daddy says to me ” why not you princess?” Now excluding the royal title that my Daddy has given me, because princesses become queens and are to be treated as such…He does have a point. I mean I am just an extraordinary peculiar child of God right? So why would I believe that I won’t experience some sort of strife, offense, or trial?  I mean to prove I am more than a conqueror I clearly need some battles that I’ve fought and won to prove it. Even knowing this time and time again I have become a doubting Thomas and held grudges that are blocking my blessings. I’ve been in the rathole of explanation and why, and usually the person or circumstance I have questioned is peacefully sleeping and carrying on with or without me. Which in turn makes me aggrivated with myself for allowing something to disturb my peace and joy. What’s even more annoying is that I will eventually forgive the person(s) and even the circumstances but I won’t forget. Now the latter I wish I did better. Forgetting would not stir up the old wounds or make the emotions feel so real! As if it happened today when it was 3 months or even a year plus ago. It amazes me how people are able to do this and the tendency can be to remember the negative. But recalling the positive seems harder. Even if the initial re-interaction is positive, one can quickly remember the offenses that caused a circumstance or relation to go sour. Jesus tells us to rebuke the person/thing that causes us offense and to forgive them if they repent. The key piece is the one I have been missing here: Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you,  rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.  And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.” Yes,”if he repents”. I swear I just had the biggest Epiphany like 10 years late! That rathole that I climb in is because I give people opportunities to be forgiven by me. Yes I know that sounds arrogant, but what I mean is I have literally told someone they offended me/hurt me and I will bring it up over and over again wanting an apology or explanation, and some folks will know they did me wrong but will not give me the satisfaction of an apology or I made a mistake etc. I am not God, so my ability to bring about conviction is umm limited meaning…I can’t. But He can, especially with a believer!…. Nonbelievers can be hard (not impossible), but I have had more success with reconciliation, forgiveness, and even forgetting when I stand on God’s word about my offenses not necessarily my emotions. The reality is that I  am in love with God and his truth, so most times my pain and affliction arises from what goes against the truths that I have knowledge of. My affictions come from straddling and compromise. In other words, when someone offends the faith fibers that are embedded in my mind and rest on my heart I feel it and react. Now some may say its a reaction of the flesh and sometimes it can be, like if I cuss you out, but for me its because of an offense to my spirit the Holy Spirit. The tendency for me is to want to avenge  against the other person (only in my mind). But my beef is never really with them, its the fact that I am now misaligned to God or I compromised my walk to please said person(s) or circumstances knowing Good and Well I should have been pleasing El Shaddai. Then there is the forgiving as many times as your offender repents. At first this sounds irrational, but its actually a lesson in How God loves me and loves you. This scripture is a mirror of the way God loves me and forgives me: as often and as many times as I repent. Look at God! His word not only gives instruction but its a personal love letter to His children to show his heart and intentions. That is how I view His word love notes from Heaven. So imagine how you would feel if someone or something took love notes that you treasure and tore them to shreds…I imagine you would not be happy! This entry is to my offenders, you may not understand why I go off or think I’m too passionate, but stop tearing up my love letters from God. If you take a soldier’s gun, you should prepare to shoot and kill him/her. If he/she’s not dead then be prepared for the infantry that comes to his/her rescue they are higher and more powerful. The power of prayer, praise, worship, love and forgiveness and repentance far outweighs any personal offense that could be given. Stay encouraged.
Be Blessed.
Written with love,

Sowing Seeds of YES and NO

Oh what a day! It started with lunch with one of my sweet beautiful friends. Then, I spoke to one of my mentors whom I met through work, I saw two of my neighbors whom I adore, and I also practiced praise dancing with one of my baby sisters in Christ. A full day for sure. All day today I felt the love of friendship and I found myself thinking how blessed I truly am. The Lord blessed me with one more day. I said to myself what makes me so special, how did I get to be so lucky. It’s not because I am so perfect, or that I am the easiest person to get along with. Lord knows if you catch me on a bad day or you have offended me I can cut you with my tongue and leave permanent marks. Pray for me :-), the Lord is still getting out the kinks. Today was not one of those days though, like not at all. I mean this Pollen and the allergens in the air can kick rocks barefoot, for inflaming my sinuses, but besides that all good. I really got to thinking about the seeds I have sown. Depending on what type of seeds you plant in your garden, you can have a field of roses, field of thorns, or a mix of both. I thought back to the times when I felt the least loved and unappreciated and how many thorns surrounded my life, how many times I had tried to influence and impress to get friends, and keep them. How many I tried to love so desperately but never seeing the love returned. Now I know it was the seeds I was planting, and me being too lazy to tend to my own garden. If I just stepped on a toe or you said ouch, then you know exactly what I am talking about. My pastor is always talking about letting the light within shine bright, and understanding that even bugs are attracted to light. Well thorns and weeds are attracted to beautiful and pretty things too! I guess if I was an ugly thorn, and I knew no one cared for me I might try to embed myself or “get lost” in a garden of beauty. I may feel like if someone came to check my thorny butt out, that the beauty of those roses would cover the ugliness of my thorns. I am not a thorn though. I plant seeds of love, I sow seeds of faith, I sow seeds of friendship, I sow seeds of truth, honesty, and respect even when the dirt I sow in is not fit for growth. ( This is not wise, you will get hurt this way, but I have done it for sure, sometimes still do). If you have sown or are sowing the type of seeds above and you are not seeing anything in your garden but thorns and weeds, then you may need to consider a different plot of land because something is wrong with the foundation. I am speaking to myself to. Have you ever done something over and over again and you know you have the right way to do it, the right tools even, but it just doesn’t seem to work. You want it to happen one way, But God wants it to happen a different way. Geesh, that type of stuff irks my nerve, but its real life. Let me bring it closer to home. You giving Kingdom (King and Queen) benefits to paupers and jokers? Not every person you meet gets to be apart of your life. Not every person you call friend is your friend. The best answer to some of the toughest questions and problems can simply be “NO”. There is no guilt or shame in saying it either. This does not mean that we all walk around denying people in need or not being kind and caring. It simply means that you may be creating an environment for thorns to be in your garden. Then you walking around your garden with cut ankles and bruises because a simple “No” was not uttered. For the faint at heart who want to be polite “Thank You, but no thank you”.  I am a professional “No” linguist. It saves me trouble and I sleep peacefully. I say Praise God though for my “Yes”! My day today was a product of my yes! The people I chose to be around, how I chose to spend my day, what I entertained and what I did not! It was great, stress free for sure.  My day was spent in the presence of the Lord with the people I have sown seeds into and vice versa. Matthew 13 is the parable of the sower. Don’t skip it read it 🙂 I was reminded of it today, but I was drawn to 5 verses.

Matthew: 13:18-23

Therefore hear the parable of the sower: 19 When anyone hears the word of the kingdom, and does not understand it, then the wicked one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is he who received seed by the wayside. 20 But he who received the seed on stony places, this is he who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy; 21 yet he has no root in himself, but endures only for a while. For when tribulation or persecution arises because of the word, immediately he stumbles. 22 Now he who received seed among the thorns is he who hears the word, and the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and he becomes unfruitful. 23 But he who received seed on the good ground is he who hears the word and understands it, who indeed bears fruit and produces: some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty.”

Short entry today, but I pray fruitful seeds of  yes and no  are planted in your garden. If not, it’s never too late to start. Mine is shaping up pretty nice, and I like it…like ALOT.


Written with Love,


Prayer, Praise, and Obedience: Soldier Directives

God is amazing. Truly truly amazing. I woke up this morning thinking about how truly amazing He is. This week is Holy Week for Christians. As a Christian you are bound to be preparing for Resurrection Sunday or “Easter” as the world recognizes it. You will doll up your kids to say their speech and prepare them for the play. You will run to and fro to be sure that everything is in order this week to celebrate that He has risen. Some of us have been fasting and praying for lent being careful to put down the poor habits or luxuries that we have picked up or overindulged in just to show our dedication/discipline to the Lord and express  penitence. The reflection on who God is, what Jesus did on the cross for everyone is just amazing, self-less, and loving. Have you ever just sat alone and read the execution of Jesus on the cross? I have and it has brought me to tears many times. I like to believe it’s because I love God oh so much, and I do! But another part of it is a bit selfish too, because I know what my walk as a Christian has been like. Sure it’s been joy lots of joy! But there has also been lots of pain, misunderstanding, and wrongdoing by myself and others. Unspeakable things that not everyone has the stomach to endure. There are still lots of unanswered questions as I mature in my faith. As a child if I asked  “why” of my mother or asked a question that she could not answer/would not answer; she’d say “because I said so” and pretty much end the conversation.  I dreaded hearing this because all I wanted was an answer. I wanted to understand. God does this to His children all of the time. But the full answer is “because I said so, because I love you, and because I know what’s best for you, and I know the outcome. ” If you are not praising/shouting right now…you missed it. It brings me comfort to know

1). Jesus died on the cross, so ALL not some of my sins are forgiven.

Isaiah 38:17 Indeed it was for my own peace
That I had great bitterness; But You have lovingly delivered my soul from the pit of corruption, For You have cast all my sins behind Your back.


2) He has given me purpose and assignment. There are things that God has called me (and only me) specifically to do, things that He has called you (only you) specifically to do…so DO them.

Exodus 9:16 But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up, that I may show My power in you, and that My name may be declared in all the earth.

3) Take comfort in knowing that you are victorious in all things especially when you are aligned to God’s will in your life.

Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Yesterday I had my heart set on seeing “Get Hard” Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart’s new movie. Yes as saved as I am, I still laugh at stereotypical jokes with sexual innuendos. I had it all planned. I was going to go to breakfast, catch a movie, get my nails done, eyebrows waxed, and prepare for my interview for today. While sitting at the breakfast bar,  I met a sister in Christ. How did I know, because ole girl prayed over her food and she was glowing with the joy of the Lord. Now she could have been praying to someone else, but ending a prayer in Jesus name confirmed it. She ordered these grits that I had been wanting to try, but I am picky about my grits; so I tend to stay with my traditional (butter, salt, pepper, and sometimes cheese.) I asked her about the grits which she confirmed are delicious, and the rest of the meal turned into a friendly chat and conversation about God, work, who we were and where we came from etc. As breakfast is coming to an end, she mentions she is going to see Do You Believe? WAIT! WAIT a minute. Now I had seen a preview of this movie  about two weeks ago. I wanted to go see it and kept postponing just like I had been postponing ordering those grits. It’s about God, the cross etc. Same film company that did “God’s not Dead”. She asked if I wanted to join her and I said I was going to the movies as well, to see Get Hard. Can I tell you this…This still small voice asked me would I rather see a movie about God or comedy about jail and homophobia. Now truth moment…I did want to see the movie I intended on seeing, but I didn’t want to postpone seeing something that I knew would bless me beyond just a laugh. So I switched gears and went to see the movie. It blessed me. Long story short, new friend, fresh anointing, and a book club invite for tomorrow focused on PRAYER! This may not excite you, but it excites me because I had been praying for God to strengthen my prayer life so I will be more fruitful in my labor and look how He answered. Amazing right? Yes. Amen walls.

Now the movie was a blessing and a tear jerk-er. Think of the movie Crash covered with anointing oil, holy water, and scripture :-). Every person in this world has a cross to bear. Jesus paid it all with His death and resurrection.  We are called to serve, to spread the gospel, share it with someone. Life hurts, this is the reality. People live, die, cheat, steal, lie, disappointment, and can be self-serving; but People can also love, help, encourage, be honest, be giving, and have a genuine interest in changing the world for the better just because. Stop entertaining people and things for short-term thrills. Pay attention to those that are hurting. I often have strangers (yes strangers) come and tell me everything that is going on with them. I don’t know these people from a hole in the wall. It used to freak me out and I would wonder why they felt compelled to share with me. I’ve concluded it’s probably because they need prayer, it’s because they need encouragement, and for some reason they know I can provide it. So I do and I will in obedience.

As I write today, the Lord has been dealing with me about prayer, praise and obedience.  He has been testing and stretching my faith in Him. Filtering different aspects of my life. This process though…it kinda sucks. I mean even knowing all of the above that small annoying child in me is saying “But Why?” Only now, it brings me joy that He is even considering me worthy as a soldier to counter spiritual warfare.

To God Be the Glory

Written with Love


Perfect Love: A Poem for the Struggle

My Perfect Love:

For years my body ached my temperature rose for a man who was like my drug addiction.
Lord have mercy on my soul for putting my love for this child of yours before you and my salvation.
See he spoke your word and made your promises from the bible our promises for the future.
Never did I imagine that such evil and temptation could come in this form. The desires of my heart he knew. The pains that have made me who I am, he knew. he got me through so many hard times…I was sure that he was a gift from you.
But the change came so suddenly. The more time I spent with him, the less time I seemed to spend with you. You see Father…I did not know you for myself when I met this man. I knew of you he spoke so Highly of You…yet he is, was, and will be a walking contradiction.
For he fed me your promises but did not believe them himself. Then I met You one day for myself…when this love of mine had caused me such pain…deceit…contracts broken…lies …a facade. I scrambled to put into place the pieces left behind. Taste and you shall see was all that rang forth.
Get a perfect love. Perfect love? Is there such a thing? Does it exists. You see friends my purpose is to love, to cherish all of you. Those that know me know I love hard. I am honest and pure in my heart and intent. Beauty that penetrates on the inside and permeates on the outside. Yet in a quest to find love and respect, I find my self swallowed in dark shadows trying to make sense of the uncommon sense….making change and cents from no monetary source because I am empty….on e…not fueled with the word that Jesus has left for me.
So many talk the talk but do not walk the walk. I myself have fallen short and try to be in and of the world when I am Yours Father. I have no business being of the world. I answer to you and you only.

So while the unjust seem to get away with quoting your scripture and tattooing such on their arms for show…one wonders what really lies on the inside. Psalm 23 Proverbs 31…yes great scriptures and we all know them by heart but do you wear it on your heart? Are you a living walking testament to the journey He is taking you on?
These are my random thoughts my feelings and my expressions to release what has been confused and tainted on the inside. I am not judging anyone. I too am messed up…but I have someone who can cleanse me. I know him personally and this is my love letter to Him. I love you Lord and I pray that you forgive me for not walking circumspect in the world. For not trusting you in all things and it is for this reason that I am turning my heart and circumstance and all those that I love over to you. For I have spent my life at this point loving hard waiting for that perfect love…I have found it in You. All else is obsolete. Friends love like He loves you and your suffering will be minimal. I am a living walking testimony to His love…it is unconditional, unfailing, and it is perfect and right in every way. SO today I am happy that I am in love and it is for eternity!